I Am #Thankful

I live a beautiful life. Actually, brutiful, like Glennon Doyle Melton would call it, may be a more accurate description. Beautiful and brutal. Some times life is really beautiful. You feel like you are taking on the world, making a difference and you should get a gold star for just existing. Other times, life is brutally hard. Like the kind of hard where you don’t want to get out of bed and your only goal for the day is to get through an entire season of Gilmore Girls on Netflix while eating your weight in nacho cheese.

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This week, I’ve been on the brutal side of life. I have had to stand idly by as I’ve watched my child suffer. And know that her suffering will mostly likely be chronic and that as her mother, the love, care and protection I can give her, may never be enough to eliminate that suffering.

It’s a helpless feeling and with each brutal side of life day, I can very easily start forgetting about all the beautiful things in my life and only focus on the brutal ones. Because even in the midst of the brutality of my child’s mental illness, I have witnessed and learned so much beauty.

If I had not adopted my amazing daughter and walked with her through so much over the past 10 years, I would probably have a much more peaceful life. I would have more money. I would have many possessions that would still be in tact. I would have more time to give to my other children, who need it just as much as she does, and I would still have relationships with some friends that I have unfortunately lost a long the way.

However, I did choose to adopt this precious soul and like Robert Frost said, it has made all the difference. I am more empathetic. I understand that people are doing the best they can. That we cannot make snap judgments based on one moment in time, they might too be living through the brutal side of their life. My capacity for love and understanding is so much bigger. I have learned the beautiful lesson that people matter above all else.

And more than all of these lessons learned, I have her. I have her beautiful laugh and her infectious love of life. She has made all the difference.

The brutality of life has made me a more beautiful person. And for that, I am #thankful.